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Getting the SHAFT
Posted by Lance Powers
I imagine I am going to be called a racist pig for writing this but I think I can spin it so the death threats will be minimal. It is certainly a topic that's been discussed before. For nearly a decade my friends of color have been stealing all my girls with their surefooted dance moves, ebony complexions, and urban linguistics. Some of my black friends back home pull no punches when pointing out the fact they get 1000% more play than me - any given day of the week. I email these same friends from Bangkok discussing massive penthouse pool orgies with tri-pronged dildo's and midget waiters. They are all ears and believe me I can feel much envy in their delayed weak sounding responses.
Let me go back a moment. The first place I landed on my plan to move to Asia was Tokyo, Japan. I descended on the Rapongi dance club district, jet lagged, and hungry for whiskey or anything else to put me down. I was immediately shocked by the fact that MTV hip hop posing brothas were getting more play here than any other western place I had been to, anywhere! I felt neglected like a pork chop at a Barmitzfa. I decide to befriend some expats I spotted in the hopes to gain some answers. After an hour or so of pleasantries and free beers for my new mates an English bloke filled me in:
Lance: Dude what's the deal with Tokyo? I think this place is great but do you notice all these black guys with like 5 girls each, and we're sitting here alone. What's up with that?
Brit: It's simple mate. When the Americans liberated Japan after dropping the bomb they expected some resistance. Being as this was 1945 redneck America, they sent in boat loads of African American troops first. To their surprise the locals treated them as heroes and liberators, and the image of all these strong young American black men storming the beaches gets them shagged like mad here.
Lance: I see. I figured it was the popularity of hip hop music.
Brit: Yeah mate, that's what they would have you believe.
I left Tokyo after 6 months and settled in Bangkok. I immediately hit the disco circuit and breathed a sigh of relief to see that the city still maintained its charm as the wildest freaking party on Earth. I noticed scores of humble brothas decked out in their finest pajama bling bling suits with matching Nike's, completely striking out trying to pull some fair skinned porn star like hottie. They looked at me as if in horror of their predicament as I almost instantly had 4 or 5 of the best looking girls in the place taking turns biding for my attention. I may dance like Stephen Hawking on skates, and have the fashion sense of a complete retard, but in Bangkok none of that seemed to matter. I think I immediately fell in love with the country at this point. It was the final chink in my amour (no pun intended).
Let the hate mail and foul comments commence.
Posted Jul 27, 2004 at 01:39 PM | Permalink |
Comments
Lance! i did not give you permission to post my photo...! keep up the good work, this site is hilarious.
Can users submit stories?
Posted by Vince on July 29, 2004 02:09 PM
Absolutely they can and it is encouraged. We're just getting rolling here so any content submissions would be greatly appreciated Vince. You can email me directly with the link below.
Posted by Lance Powers on July 30, 2004 11:51 AM
lance - i'm sorry to say this but your limey friends in tokyo have no idea what they are talking about. that is, unless they're talking about the ability of black americans picking up hot japanese grandmothers. young japanese girls these days don't have the slightest idea or image about what happened 50 years ago. they love hip hop. they love american movies. and they love that particular stereotype of the black man. the end. period. janai!
Posted by shinto styler on January 6, 2005 04:20 PM
Hey lance I wanna move to Thailand are there any goody paying jobs for american college grads besides teaching?
Posted by Dustin D. on June 4, 2005 01:18 AM
You're in luck, dude. Check out my guide:
Part 1: http://www.planetbangkok.com/archives/2005/06/rick_salasars_h.php
Part 2: http://www.planetbangkok.com/archives/2005/08/_rick_salasars_1.php
and stay tuned for the rest of this critically-acclaimed, invaluable series of life-changing articles. Failing that, read the rest of my posts on this much sought-after wisdom of the ancients.
Posted by Rick Salasar on August 28, 2005 02:49 PM
your problem is you short ugly weak and look like a geek , thats why you dont get any girls white guys are popular in asia, only reason in bangkok you get some is because you pay you lame ass faggot, go suck a big black mans cock you fucking ignorant moron
Posted by bemmy on January 19, 2007 04:04 PM
had plenty of sex in bangkok, unreal!!
phil/19/england
Posted by phil KENNEWELL on May 27, 2007 01:31 AM
had plenty of sex in bangkok, unreal!!
phil/19/england
Posted by phil KENNEWELL on May 27, 2007 01:32 AM
I AM VERY INTERESTED IN PARTAKING IN AN ORGY IN BANGKOK--WOULD ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
THANK YOU MUCH - JACK
Posted by JACK LORD on July 1, 2007 11:54 PM
As a black man with 13" of dangling deathmeat, let me school yall on what these asian biznitches be wantin'.
They just want the LD, like every other female chickenhead on planet earf. And what I'm packin' gets me instant props from da bee-otches everywhere.
You can't do what we do without havin' a large dick.
Posted by Joel Powers on August 17, 2007 06:01 AM
"You can't do what we do without havin' a large dick."
yeah, beside the genes that contain short temper, proper english and dumb-(black)orc look alike.
Posted by Sam Lin on September 23, 2007 07:55 PM
hey lance... u havent said anything racist... i'm a gay black man... and it seems the world has a sexual obsession with black men.
everybody wants one: black women, white women, white men, asian women, latin women
guess they see us as the epitome of maleness... mostly stereotype poverty, lack of education and hard lives... give us an "appearance" of super maleness...
dont worry, white men aren't going completely out of fashion... i fuck them all the time.
Posted by harry brown on March 23, 2008 01:34 AM
hey lance... u havent said anything racist... i'm a gay black man... and it seems the world has a sexual obsession with black men.
everybody wants one: black women, white women, white men, asian women, latin women
guess they see us as the epitome of maleness... mostly stereotype poverty, lack of education and hard lives... give us an "appearance" of super maleness...
dont worry, white men aren't going completely out of fashion... i fuck them all the time.
Posted by harry brown on March 23, 2008 01:36 AM
hey lance... u havent said anything racist... i'm a gay black man... and it seems the world has a sexual obsession with black men.
everybody wants one: black women, white women, white men, asian women, latin women
guess they see us as the epitome of maleness... mostly stereotype poverty, lack of education and hard lives... give us an "appearance" of super maleness...
dont worry, white men aren't going completely out of fashion... i do them all the time.
Posted by harry brown on March 23, 2008 01:38 AM
Realy cool, brother :-)
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