«The McThai Bangkok Breakfast FAQ | Main | Thailand Finally Unblocks YouTube »

Tired of the Usual Nonsense Farang in Thailand (UNFIT)

Posted by Rick Salasar

Khun Rick's autustic/ADD/OCD/PTSD brain has been hard at work lately and has come up with another superlative acronym. So sorry it's not the usual handy TLA.

UNFIT - Usual Nonsense Farang in Thailand

MAN, I am SO bored of these guys. They are EVERYWHERE. Oh, and they are all such incredibly successful, brilliant, knowledgeable, experienced, well-travelled mavens of all that is good and reason to be proud.

First, let me reiterate the best answer for the UNFIT's classic moaning and bitching.

If you HATE Thailand so much, leave! That's right. Get the hell out. If you are so saddened, maddened and down-traddened (OK, that's supposed to be "trodden" but I have to use "un"poetic license to make it work.) by what passes for your life in Thailand, the exits are wide open. So go. Get out. Really. Leave. Puleeeeaaase. Nobody, least of all you, apparently, wants you here.

I recently visited Thai immigration and ended up sitting next to a young farang. I decided to bust out of my usual shell of self-absorption and ventured to break the ice with my new neighbour.

Predictably enough, my wonderful white friend fell to criticism of Thai immigration. To which I replied, "Actually, I reckon Thai immigration are wonderful. I certainly wouldn't want to sit in this office all day long, dealing with most of the people who come in here, would you?"

Him: Yeah but Thai immigration is terrible. It's such a hassle.

Me: Hmmm. Well, I have to say that in my experience, Thai immigration is a hell of a lot easier and nicer to deal with than most immigration departments around the world.

Him: Oh. You've dealt with a lot of immigration departments around the world?

Me: Yes, in fact, I have And so far, I've found Thai immigration to be friendly, helpful, good-natured and easy to deal with, which is a lot more than can be said for immigration in some other countries. For example, on one of my return visits to Canada, the immigration officer asked me how long I would be staying in Canada.

I related the following:

"HOW LONG WILL I BE STAYING?!??!", I thought. "I'M CANADIAN, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE HOW LONG I'M STAYING IN MY COUNTRY, YOU OBSTINATE COW?!??!", I so wanted to shout at her.

But I didn't. Most people think the police are the most powerful people in a country. BZZZZ!!! WRONG! Immigration can throw you out of the country. The taxman can take everything away. Those are the two groups of officials you don't mess with.

Another time, a friend of mine travelled from the USA to Canada to meet a number of potential suppliers of some hi-tech, hi-security services for the finance business. They were going to consider where in Canada to place their multi-million dollar deal. The Canadian immigration official was such a difficult idiot, they very nearly turned around and went back to give the business to a US company.

Listen. Immigration officials are bureaucrats. Thai immigration officials don't want hassle. They want to be able to tick the boxes and move on to the next thing in their in-box. They don't want to have to find solutions to problems, to have to sweat out a difficult situation or to face a smelly, poorly-presented pauper who has no awareness of or respect for local ways. Yeah, sure, it can be difficult for us to figure out exactly what the rules are so you can comply, but that's usually because you're trying to circumvent the letter of the law, anyway. Besides, the Thai offical you're dealing usually has no idea, either. He or she is generally as much a victim of the "system" as you are so just try to help each other out, ok?

In my experience, Thai immigration are INCREDIBLY helpful and flexible, especially compared to immigration in other countries. I once rocked up at immigration to get my visa extended, only to discover to my horror that I had misread the end date. No worries, mate! Immigration simply had me pay the overstay penalty and happily extended my visa. I challenge you to try that in almost any 'civilised' Western country.

Go on. I'll happily watch from a safe distance (the hotel bar, for example).

As if by magic, at this point a massive shouting match erupted at the other end of the room between a South Asian gentleman and an immigration official. This continued for about five minutes, the entire room enthralled by the wonderful drama. I joked to my neighbour that it was a ruse by bored staff to spice things up for visitors by staging a bit of improv acting.

Finally, a female officer stepped in to placate the horny stags and help unwind the knot of emotion and technicalities. Five minutes later, the two men were patting each other on their backs, order and calm had been restored, and the foreigner seemed to be well on the way to having his problem sorted out.

So please, all you UNFITS, let's have less of the racist, uninformed, narrow-minded drivel and a bit more consideration for your own position as a guest as well as the true state of the world at large.

Before you launch into a tirade against all the Thais "that hate us, do everything possible to deprive us of our successful, happy lives, and constantly try to chuck us out of their country," have a look in the mirror and ask yourself what they see.

Posted Aug 26, 2007 at 02:01 PM | Permalink |