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Living in Thailand...a savage journey towards madness?

Posted by Terrance Mann

I'm sure many of us have seen those insane farangs stumbling down the sois of Thailand, bickering over restaurant bills, cursing at Tuk-Tuk drivers, or sprawled flat out on their backs choking on Sang Som induced vomit. These are all too familiar scenes. What factors influence the transformation from resident expat to savage beast? More importantly, what fate awaits the farang gone mad in Thailand?

Many people come to Thailand to escape their sorrows and troubles that were plaguing them in their home country. Most often or not, these sorrows will follow you wherever you go and will eventually fester and grow deeper over time. Living in a foreign country is difficult under any circumstances, but can become much more strenuous when coupled with nagging problems from home. Many farangs live an isolated existence here. Depending on your location in the kingdom, fellow expats may be hard to find. Many of us have not mastered the Thai language and we struggle through each day speaking Thai no more fluent than a two year old child. Meaningful conversations become impossible. Alcohol becomes the expat's only companion.

For example, I was at this local expat hole-in-the-wall, and this ancient European farang sat at my table to share his information. He said, "Your as good as dead if you begin to crave this swill" as he waved a bottle of Beer Chang in my face. He showed us a few pictures of his lovely Thai wife and child, but commented that they were "long gone now" and that "these bloody Thai women, they're all thieves...that's why I carry this." The steak knife he pulled from his belt may have once been impressive, but like it's holder, has grown rusty and dull. I whispered to my friend that we "should get the hell away from this poor bastard before he starts pointing that knife at the waitress." The large bartender looming in the background was watching our table's every move, and perhaps he and a few of his friends were formulating a plan to take the three of us out back and beat us repeatedly with large sticks. It was definitely time to make a retreat. As H.S.T. once said, never turn your back on a drug, especially if it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your face. In this case, the drug was Beer Chang, and the steak knife may not have been razor-sharp, but it could have poked an eye out or something. We stepped slowly away from the table backwards, keeping an eye on the drunk while signaling to the bartender now standing behind him that he was indeed crazy.

I also recall a story in the Phuket Gazette telling of a grey-haired farang wreaking havoc on the roads of Phuket. It seems he was driving around on his motorbike, randomly kicking Thai drivers off of their bikes. A few weeks later the Gazette reported that the crazy bastard was found dead on a beach. Thai people are a very warm and friendly bunch, but if you piss them off god help you. Thais have mastered the art of revenge and when a person is capable of finding a hitman in this kingdom for a few thousand baht, you best be courteous and polite at all times.

These are only a few examples of the savage depths the insane farang can reach. There is a lesson to be learned here: madness will affect most expats living here at one time or another. What separates us from the animals is our ability to observe those moments of irrational thought, those early signs of declining mental health. But, what makes us truly human is our decision to ignore them. If you're a loner, or a hermit-like expat, surely insanity will get the best of you as the warning signs become less apparent when you're in the middle of a month long Beer Chang binge. It's probably best to surround yourself with friends who would recognize the early signs of madness and perhaps steer you towards a professional psychiatrist of some sort. But, if you're an offensive asshole incapable of maintaining friendships, you may end up dead on a beach, or even worse, randomly wielding rusty steak-knives at innocent, unsuspecting Thai people...and who knows what horrible fate that could bring upon you.

Posted Jan 09, 2005 at 11:06 PM | Permalink |