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Hitting the Weapons Table

Posted by Lance Powers

After noticing the drastic increase in violence against farangs in the Kingdom I decided it was time to stock up on my household weapons arsenol. I have long been a collector of articulate and interesting devices of pain and punishment, but sadly much of my collection has been pilfered by girlfriends, or lost during whiskey binge orgies. Luckily this type of stuff is on sale almost anywhere farangs are present in Bangkok so obtaining some new gear is an easy task. Check out Sukhumvit around soi 7 or the Patpong night market for the goods I mention.

Since I am an avid shooter I already have a Kimber .45 Eclipse Target II hand gun, but this is not the type of thing I like to carry around town or even am excited about showing visitors to my place. Also you need to carry your permit papers with you at all times as well as prove that you are transporting 100,000 baht worth of goods to be legally able to pack a gat. It looks cool, but it's a bit overboard. So I set out to find the necessities for personal protection that one is still able to carry on the street undetected.

Pepper spray is a good start. You should pay between 600-800 baht for the real thing, and the label should clearly state the SHU rating. A good strong spray will have a rating of 5% 2,000,000 SHU. Be careful with this stuff at it is extremely potent. I suggest testing this on a soi dog or tailor shop tout to make sure you have a legit product.

Next up is a set of brass knuckles or knuckle dusters as they are commonly called. These come in all shapes and sizes to fit different sized hands and would be extremely lethal if one had to use them in a confrontation. They also fit nicely into a back pocket. Expect to pay 150-200 baht for this item.

A good retractable bonker is a nice weapon to keep near your door at your house or residence. Just opening your door and retracting this bad boy will likely scare off any unwanted visitors. I would practice using this weapon on a heavy bag or soi dog as it takes some practice to get the hang of. Once retracted the bonker operates a bit like a mace with a springy shaft ending in a heavy steel ball. Again this item would be fairly lethal if used on a human. Bonkers fall into the 500-800 baht price range.

Now if you really want to put some fear into that louty Brit who just won't go home at 7am on Sunday morning, nothing spells poopy pants like a good samurai sword. Imagine the fear on your new friends face as you emerge from the bathroom clad in a ninja suit with a replica samurai sword pointed directly at his family jewels. If you buy one off the street make sure you sharpen it first with a suitable wet stone or sharpening tool. These swords vary in price and you can buy all different styles from Asian, Middle Eastern, to Medieval swords. Expect to pay 2000-5000 baht for anything worth your while.

Now a word of caution. Avoid buying the cheesy stun guns sold at most weapons tables for 500-800 baht. They operate on a 9 volt battery so I don't need to tell you they are a cheap Chinese novelty item. I know because I've zapped myself with mine several times and have even considered using it to stimulate myself. If you want a shock weapon go for a myotron. I own one myself and I carry it daily. These bad boys have been known to make people defacate on the spot and effect your assialants actual brain waves. It is perhaps the perfect defense weapon and ideal for your girlfriend to lug around on those terribly dangerous solo taxi rides they always complain about. These will need to be ordered from abroad and typically sell for $150-$200 USD.

Finally, never bring any of these items into a club with you. In any major Bangkok nightclub You will be frisked and your weapon confiscated and likely barred from entering the club ever again or worse. If you're going to a club for a good time, please leave the weapons at home. Also it is worth noting that although these items are sold openly on the street, carrying them around Bangkok or anywhere else is illegal. Getting caught with any of this stuff on the street by the boys in brown will almost always result in a heavy fine or if you're licky a good strong swift kick in the ass.

Happy hunting.

Posted Oct 10, 2004 at 10:12 PM | Permalink |