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A Trip to the Medicine Man

Posted by Lance Powers

Mai sabai. After she said this for maybe the hundredth time I figured maybe I had better see if this was a serious matter or not. 'Mai sabai' means 'not happy' or 'not feeling well' for the non Thai linguists reading. I knew from experience that this episode would likely end up in a 4am run to the hospital which normally yields buying bags full of overpriced drugs we don't need and an expensive doctor's bill to boot. Sexy nurses or not it was certainly not in the cards.

I could see quite easily from listening to my girl's painful groans that she had developed the flu. She was running a really high temperature and said she had hot and cold flashes all day. She also wasn't eating. Coming from Canada I knew exactly what the flu looked like and this was no exception. Of course she had no idea what I was saying and flu to her likely had something to do with airplanes or nuclear fission. I knew she wasn't going to die and more importantly I knew that a 7,000 baht visit to Bumrungrad for a stomach ache wasn't even worth flirting with all those nurses again.

"Ok listen, how bad is it?" - "Hospital", she says, like as if I don't know what's coming next. Oh sweet jesus. "Wait I know a 24 hour clinic", I declare proudly. "Let's give that a shot". She looks at me as if I am the meanest sunovabitch she has ever laid eyes on. So off we go in a taxi for our 1 km ride to the local clinic. 20 minutes later we are talking to a very tired and unkept Dr. Pom who begins asking some very curious and equally useless questions. They seem to revolve around my girlfriends menstrual cycle. My attempts to butt in with broken Thai go completely ignored as usual so I just shut up and resume my role as the farang idiot:

Dr. Pom: So you got your period but just a little bit of blood.
Ms. Powers: Ya, nit noy.
Dr. Pom: Hmm. I better take a look at your throat. Say ahhhhh.
Ms. Powers: Ahhhhh.
Dr. Pom: Ahhhh I see. So have you been drinking then? Often whiskey causes your period to come in small amounts.

I stop listening at this point.

He then begins writing on his pad and sends us on his way to the pharmacy area of his clinic, or what I like to refer to as, the business end of the shop. 1000 baht later and we're loaded up with drugs we don't need. 6 bags in all to treat what Dr. Pom explains is a mild throat infection. He didn't ask if she smoked, didn't take any fluid samples, or even ask if she was allergic to the overdose of antibiotics he prescribed. He had a cool looking Pfizer Viagra clock on his desk and some Cialis ads on the walls. I immediately wanted to kick this quack's ass and drive him and his black Mercedes into the river. And then it dawns on me that a trip to the clinic in Thailand is the same scam as the hospital scam but on a smaller scale. Those sneaky devils!

Thais want to run to the hospital at any sign of sickness so the wizards of western medicine can wave their magic wand and load them up with antibiotics they likely won't take anyways. If you have been here more than a few months you know what I am talking about. A trip to a privatized hospital in Bangkok means a trip to Starbucks, a ride in a wheel chair (whether you need it or not), lots of sympathy from sexy nurses, and of course the compete obliteration of your mai sabai.

Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games. We got everything you want, but we don't have real health care. Viagra? Benzo's? Vialium? All over the counter? No problem.

Posted Apr 23, 2005 at 04:55 AM | Permalink |