Planet Bangkok 2004-07-16T09:58:05Z tag:www.planetbangkok.com,2004:/mts/1 Movable Type Copyright (c) 2004, Miles Fear & Loathing in Cambodia 2004-07-16T09:58:05Z 2004-07-15T09:57:40Z tag:www.planetbangkok.com,2004:/mts/1.3 2004-07-15T09:57:40Z I finally found my passport mysteriously secured inside a brown manilla envelope labebled 'do not open until July 4th'. I assume I had stashed it there in some kind of depraved sangsom induced manic episode, and breath a sigh of... Miles http://www.planetbangkok.com admin@bangkokfarang.com I finally found my passport mysteriously secured inside a brown manilla envelope labebled 'do not open until July 4th'. I assume I had stashed it there in some kind of depraved sangsom induced manic episode, and breath a sigh of relief. My pleasure quickly turns to fear as I realize that every page of the treasured document is covered in Visa stickers and stamps from various 3rd world countries, with the last stamp expiring, ya you guessed it, July 4th. The manilla envelope and my sick equation of procastination equals pleasure quickly becomes apparent.

Screwed like Gary Coleman in a Tennessee jailhouse? Hell no. I quickly realize the adhesive on the Cambodian tourist Visa sticker is made from human fat, and remember my days in the genocide camps of northern Canada. 'This won't even be difficult I tell myself as I set the kettle boiling and prepare for the delicate operation.' As it turns out it peels off faster than Kit in the pilot episode of Knight Rider.

If you do not like to play blackjack a trip to Poipet and the aptly named Star Vegas is going to be a real sucky trip. Luckily I have some friends in Alanyaprathet who are real Baccarat fans so I decide to make it a pleasure trip. A quick phone call emits squeeks of glee from Bun as he realizes lunch, dinner, and a party are gonna be on me. As a bonus my friend is right palsy with the border people so when they see my butchered passport there should be no questions that I am in fact just a well travelled tourist who really really digs the Kingdom. I will throw on my 'same same but different' t-shirt and counterfeit Camel shorts to complete the effect.

If all goes well I should be able to turn 20K into well maybe 3K and do a night of 'Im the only white guy who has ever partied here' type of stuff in the Alanya disco with Bun. If all goes bad and the foly is realized I guess Cambo is not such a bad place to make a home out of and raise a family. If I can just keep my kids away from Garry Glitter I should be OK.

Wish me luck.

]]> Uncle Drunk - Death of a Bangkok Speakeasy 2004-07-16T09:57:23Z 2004-07-14T09:37:07Z tag:www.planetbangkok.com,2004:/mts/1.2 2004-07-14T09:37:07Z I am reclining on my beach chair in Koh Chang when I get an urgent call from key operative Muay reporting that 'Uncle Drunk' or 'Leung Key Mou' has finally been raided by those pesky fecal coloured corrupt coppers. For... Miles http://www.planetbangkok.com admin@bangkokfarang.com Party or Die I am reclining on my beach chair in Koh Chang when I get an urgent call from key operative Muay reporting that 'Uncle Drunk' or 'Leung Key Mou' has finally been raided by those pesky fecal coloured corrupt coppers. For over 2 years I have been frequenting this after hours piss shop and had built up a staggering repuation as a true Sangsom swilling veteran and dancing machine.

For those not familiar with the operation I will shed some light. Drinking after hours never used to be a problem. However recently all of the great places to get sh*tfaced in after 2 o'clock have been systematically closed with the emminent and redundant peepee tests. Typically these places were filled with dodgy sweaty farangs and some really loose women - Most of them were no real secret, and filled with flesh tourists and lame-asses.

Drunk Uncle was not for everyone. If your into Qbar, Spasso, or Bed SC, you may as well stop reading right now. I used to use it as a place to scare tourists I had wrangled from Khao San or even better, Patpong. It worked like a charm and many times I got to hear those coveted words laced in a drunken UK accent: 'hey this place is really fu*ked up, let's get out of here!', or maybe 'hey this Thai dude wont stop staring at me!', or my personal fav 'Hey thanks but I am seriously scared s*itless and where is my hotel from here?'.

I don't know if it was the crooked casino operating out of the guys toilet, the sullen stares from meth fueled off work motorcycle taxis, or the dreaded 1000db Chinese speed techno - But either way you sliced it, as the name implies 'Drunk Uncle' had only one purpose, and it served it very well. On a Saturday night toward its demise the place was full on packed and pulling some interesting and often sexy crowds. The food was also quite killer and the liqour cheap to boot.

If anyone is interested DU operated out of a back soi near Suk 103. Yep, may as well be in the countryside. You couldn't miss the place as the soi had a beautiful neon sign at its entrance proudly displaying the 'Drunk Uncle' text in both English and Thai. I seriously met some completely wicked people there who I am friends with to this day, including some well known, ahem, 'superstars'. Some of the most debaucherous nights I have had in Bangkok originated in this spooky unsuspecting hole in the wall and being a heavy tipper when mou I was always afforded top shelf service. It will be sadly missed.

Chances are good DU will be up and running again before the weekend once the dust settles. DU = RIP? I can taste the SS + Soda already.

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